Graveyard of memories
by Koshi Sekisen
Summary: Yuki’s thoughts as he tends to his dead secret base… “I realize that to move forward, to suppress my anger and pain when I see her with Kyou, I need to forget her. Forget Hondasan.”


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fruits Basket, this is merely a fanfiction of Natsumi Takaya's work.

**Manga:** Fruits Basket (Author: Natsumi Takaya)

**Warnings:** Actual Manga Based.

**Pairings:** One-sided Yukiru + Machi. Kyoru.

**Summary:** Yuki's thoughts as he tends to his dead secret base… "I realize that to move forward, to suppress my anger and pain when I see her with Kyou, I need to forget her. Forget Honda-san."

**Author's Note:** I usually write in Spanish, and it has been a long time since I've written anything in English. Therefore there may be some very silly grammatical mistakes. If so, please forgive me.

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**Graveyard of memories**

_Yuki's POV

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_

Dead. All the plants are dead and I feel something inside of me break, painfully aware that the secret I had kept so cautiously perished… and by my own hands. I reach out, shaking slightly, my skin full of goosebumps, as I stroke the dead strawberry plant I started to grown so long ago… For some reason, I'm afraid to touch it, yet, I'm unable to move away.

It's heartbreaking to see this, but still, I don't cry. The tears just won't come, thought I feel them inside…

I built this base when I turned 14, when I came to live with Shigure after what happened with Akito… I couldn't speak, not even to Shigure –who had tried to help me so much–, and one day we walked together through the forests around the house and in this same spot I'm standing I found some leeks growing. Shigure was surprised and commented that it would be nice to grow vegetables. Half a year later, I had grown more leeks, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots… I realized that gardening was something I truly enjoyed.

I came here when I was plagued by nightmares, when I was sad, angry, or happy or excited… this same earth I'm stepping on has shared many moments with me.

I showed it to Honda-san and taught her, she loved it. I grew strawberries and year after year we had this day, alone, together, only the two of us, and while we ate them we talked about so many things… It was _our_ day. But this year, the strawberries died. So has my time to spend with Honda-san. It doesn't exist… not anymore.

Honda-san sometimes mentions 'the' secret base (it's not 'out' secret base, not anymore) but never comes with me to take care of it. As a matter of fact, I hadn't come here for four months or so.

I'd like to say that it was because I am so busy I have to find time for myself under rocks, but that's not so true. Sure, I get up earlier than usual, come back home late because of the Student Council meetings, I have to study and keep up good grades… On weekdays I don't sleep more than five hours (the weird thing about that is that I got used to it, though Sundays I sleep around the clock), and I always feel the urge to go back to the garden after I finish and need to clear my mind.

Why didn't I do it? I wonder as I start to scratch the hard earth that hasn't drank a drop of water in weeks. After a while I got to the roots of the plant and yanked it out and, with a rage I don't know I was feeling, I throw it far, far away. Towards the spot where, more than a year ago, Honda-san had gone to find Kyou.

Honda-san… what do you mean to me, now?

We drifted apart and now… I feel like I'm a stranger to you. I realized some time ago that Honda-san… is like a mother to me. Why? Why a mother? Wasn't I in love with her? Didn't I feel so full when I spent time with her, eating strawberries and laughing? Didn't I feel like I was with my princess when I gave her those ribbons for White Day? Didn't I want to confess my feelings to her on summer? To open up the tightly closed lid!

I realize… that it isn't like that, really. Sure, I still now believe that she is the first woman in this planet who stirred up emotions in me –except Akito… but those aren't really pretty feelings–, she taught me a world that I didn't know, that I didn't comprehend…

I admired her, I loved her so much…

"So much…" I know I'm talking aloud with no one at my side except for two or three mice at my feet.

And when I was starting to feel that those emotions were growing, that they were growing into an unconditional love, that they were… stronger than ever… _Then_… I noticed how far away she actually is from me. Every time I wanted to hold her hand and kiss it, every moment when I wanted to tell her some secret of mine to share…

Always…

…She wouldn't notice and talk about Kyou.

Gods… Honda-san… it hurt, you didn't know it… but it hurt so much, Honda-san!

It is always Kyou for Honda-san, always him, always the neko, always the BAKA-NEKO!

Anger, jealousy, frustration, irritation, hurt, sadness, despair… every time I saw them together, these emotions would mix and tangle my heart, I'd want to pummel Kyou to the ground and take Honda-san away from him…

But I never did. Because Honda-san's words would come back to me, speaking about how wonderful love was, how much it could hurt but how important the feelings towards the other could surpass one's own… and… It is true. Slowly, without even noticing… I am letting her go. I let her be with Kyou. I stopped asking for her company if she didn't offer first…

I don't know when it started but… I drifted away from her.

Heh. Maybe she _is_ like a mother, maybe I _am_ like a child who is letting her mother go away and tend to her husband… I feel so childish.

I'm somewhat glad, though, because Kakeru is there with me. I'll never say that aloud, but he helps me sort out my feelings every time I talk to him, he makes me see stuff that are just plan obvious to everyone but me… He also helps me to put past my hurting feelings, he makes me stand up and keep on walking.

I finally finish taking out all the dead plants… funny. Not one vegetable survived.

Thinking about Honda-san now… makes me feel… relieved. Even though I don't love her as I thought I did so long ago, even though she is in love with my archrival, even now, I still feel fine when I think about her words, about the moments we once shared in this Graveyard of Memories.

But I realize that those are that… memories that won't come back. She won't come here to talk to me and to learn about rotating crops when there is no such thing to do. She won't come and help me protect my garden when there is a storm.

I also realize that, even though her words still haunt me, those are part of the past.

And it doesn't hurt half as much as I thought.

Sure, it does sting to know that, even if she accepted me, she didn't _take_ me. Sure, the Neko _does_ have a terrible destiny… so… maybe I shouldn't really be so jealous. He _isn't_ the only one who suffered, really, but… he maybe _does_ need Honda-san more than me.

I'm over it.

I'm not so sure… but I am. I'm fine. I'll always thank her because she always was there with me, she taught me… but I can't ask anything else from her.

So I won't.

I'm so lost in my thoughts, that I'm startled when a hand touches my shoulder gently. I gasp and realize that I had been crying… why? Sadness, because it hurt to loose her? Happiness, because she found her own and I'm reaching towards mine? I'm sure that both.

"…Yuki-kun…?" It's Honda-san.

"…H-Honda-san!" I can't say I'm not surprised, I was so lost in my memories… in the Graveyard of Memories… that I lost track of time and space. I realize that it was raining and I'm drenched from head to toe, and that Honda-san is looking at me surprised and maybe upset, holding an umbrella over both of us. "What are you doing here?"

She looks at me and her eyes go across the Graveyard of Memories, saddening. She looks at me and I notice that she is crying.

"…it-it died… The secret base… it died…" She says, kneeling in front of the earth and resting the palm of her hand on it.

If it were another person who had started the obvious, maybe I would have had to fight the urge to roll my eyes, but she is saying it with such a pained voice I can't help but feel her hurt and mine at full blast. I have to lower my head because I feel the tears stinging in my eyes and I don't want to cry in front of her.

"…Un." I respond.

"…Gomenasai…" She says, lifting her eyes brimming with tears, so brown and large that can't help but captivate me again. I ask her why, while putting my best smile to pretend that it doesn't hurt. That us being here, under the rain, staring at the Graveyard of Memories doesn't hurt at all, like it is all part of life, like it is okay, as if I manage to move forwards without looking behind and without crying.

But it is a lie. Because I miss her.

I miss being with Honda-san. I miss our time together, I miss taking care of the vegetables, I miss talking or being with her, I miss my old life…

Sure, I moved forwards… but still… it hurts.

More now that she is with me, sharing those happy and now sad memories; than before, alone.

I realize that to move forward, to suppress my anger and pain when I see her with Kyou, I need to forget her.

Forget Honda-san.

Those words sound logical, but they are still bad, they sound bad, they sound evil.

"It's my fault… because Yuki-kun was so busy… and I didn't take care of his base for him… I'm so sorry, Yuki-kun…" She tells me while holding my hand. Then, I realize that, even though they sound bad, or evil, or whatever word Akito might have used to describe _me_, I realize that it's for the best. For her, to forget about me, and for me, to forget her.

Hurts… but for some reason… it sounds fine, it sound logical. It sounds… correct.

"Iie." I tell her while squeezing her hand. She looks at me, pained. "It's my own. Honda-san was busy studying and taking care of everyone, I should've been more responsible. Gomen ne, Honda-san, I didn't want to sadden you."

She nods. I'm sure I didn't convince her, but I'll manage.

"It's cold… I came here to find Yuki-kun. I made dinner and we were waiting for you and you're wet… Yuki-kun should take better care of himself." She says while standing up and offering her hand. I take it and we walk back home, no words shared.

We never let go.

I know that this will be the last time I'll have with her. The last time when I can be alone with her. Because we both know –I don't know how, but we do– that when we arrive home… things will change and we will be forever separated. This is _our_ last time. Hurts. But not so much. Because even though it's bitter… it's also sweet.

"Arigatou… Honda-san. For everything. For everything, Honda-san."

"… Iie…" She says while reaching her hand towards the door but stopping. "Thank _you_, Yuki-kun, you've always been there…"

She kisses my lips softly and moves away, opening the door. As we enter the house, both shouting at the same time, for one last time together: "TADAIMAAA!"

I hear Baka-neko rambling and complaining and sending me to hell for the umpteenth time… and Honda-san telling him that it was her fault because she forget her way to the secret base, Shigure was saying that the Baka-neko needn't be jealous (and really, he needn't…), and him send him to hell as well. I ignore them all and go to change.

When I came back they are still in a heated discussion. We have dinner and all the while I glance at Honda-san, whose eyes never leave Kyou's… but sometimes she looks at me sadly. She knows. I'm sure she does, and I know she knows I know as well. We are giving up on each other. It hurts… but not so much. Really. I always knew that she liked me, but I also knew she liked Kyou more, and when the time came to finally choose –today–, she'd choose him. And she did.

At night, as I'm about to go to bed –thank goodness tomorrow's Sunday!–, Shigure calls me and tells me someone wants to speak to me on the phone.

"It's a girl…" He said winking and making a strange but totally Hentai face. I ignore him, too tired for his antics, and hold the machine to my ear.

"Moshi, moshi? Souma Yuki desu…" I say, really wondering who will call me at this hour (it must be almost 10:30).

"…Kaichou?" I hear a meek voice say. I know that voice. "I-I'm sorry… I know I shouldn't call so late… but… er…"

"Machi…?" What is she calling for? I'm getting worried… "Are you alright?"

"Yes!" She screams loudly. Shigure, who is sitting in the living room, staring, turns to face me with a questioning look, I'm sure he heard her reply. "Umm… I-I was wondering… Kakeru said that tomorrow there would be an emergency meeting at 4 p.m. where we met a few weeks ago…" I remember the place. "Because he wanted to… talk to all of us."

"Is he coming?"

"Un. So is Nao and Kimi." She says.

"Okay. I'll be there. Is there anything else, Machi?" I ask.

"…N-NO!" She screams again, surprising me. For some reason, I laugh. I like her… I like her a lot. I see Honda-san move around the kitchen and I realize it's not the same "like" feeling. But I enjoy it…

"I'll be waiting to see you, then." I say. "Good night."

"NO!" She screams again. I sweatdrop. No? "_You_ have the good night! You don't sleep enough, you should sleep more! You need the good night so keep it to yourself!"

She hangs up and I laugh.

THE END

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**Author's Note:** Umm… what made me write this story? Truthfully… I have no idea. O.O the idea just popped into my mind yesterday night as I re-read the 125 Manga. Sometimes I have to sort out the character's feelings writing them… and because Yuki's were so weird, I decided to sort them out here. His feelings for Tooru and for Machi are different, yet, they hold the same love and charisma… yet, Yuki was able to give Honda-san up and now liked Machi… Well, I hope this fic helped everyone's that's as confused as I am about this change in feelings.

Well, I actually enjoyed writing this…


End file.
